"this is what attention feels like."

I lied. It reminds me of something after all.
It reminds me of when I was on antidepressants, and my mom actually came to comfort me a few times when I was going out of control.

It was comfortable, laying there on the couch half asleep. It was nice not being lonely at nighttime, not being scared, not thinking the normal batch of thoughts typical of bedtime.
No butterflies, and no burning feeling in my chest.
All the same, it's been a long time since I've felt that way.

"This is what attention feels like."

I want to be treated like that. I want to have someone listen to me ramble, and then ramble back at me. I want to be able to lay down with someone without being felt up. I want to hold a conversation without having my breasts ogled.

I want lots of things that wouldn't be considered extraordinary by any means, and it makes me feel horrible. And it makes me feel horrible for feeling horrible.
How can I possibly expect that from a man?
And why do I think all men are disgusting assholes?