subliminal.

I am confident that, compared to you, I am better overall. This doesn't make me feel conceited. I'm glad that you can't have everything that you want. I don't feel guilty for enjoying however much suffering you go through. But, I do feel guilty for not feeling guilty.

I hope it doesn't make me a sadist for taking pleasure in your pain.
Still, I hope you suffer for a long, long time.


Things get lost deep inside me somewhere for indefinite amounts of time, and when I go to look for them later, all the threads come off of their spools and get knotted up. It takes me a while to smooth things out and get everything wound the way it's supposed to be.
But is that how it's supposed to be? Really?

I find that a lot of people are comfortable with doing the wrong things over and over and over again, resulting in no change at all. They're comfortable with the familiar, and they're all out to serve themselves anyway, so they don't bother to change.
I often find myself trying to do the right things, but then going back afterward, wishing I could just be bad, and wrong, and naive, and immature, and all the things I feel like I'm supposed to be at my age.

I am done blindly following the advice other people give me.
I am done getting tangled up on account of just being lazy and not wanting to suck it up and do what I think is best to begin with.