Everything I am is determined more by the actions of the people judging me than the actions I take. I'm good or bad depending on their experiences with certain actions. I'm real or fake, kind or cruel, and most of those opinions have absolutely nothing to do with what I actually am.
What bothers me most is that, somehow, I'm always made out to be this bitchy, controlling monster with bad motives. I was told once that my motives for dating Fern in the first place were bad. The only thing I can remember specifically is the term "damsel in distress". That was the part I was apparently playing.
For a while, I wasn't even sure if it was the truth or not. Maybe this person was right. Maybe it was all theatrics.
And then, a couple days ago, I stumbled upon a journal entry I wrote about a week after he and I started dating, talking about how much I liked him, how happy he made me, and how I was questioning his motives, even though he was being so good to me.
In short, never let anyone else tell you how you feel or how you felt. The hell they know more about you than you do, even if you were once close friends.
Tomorrow is my ten month with Fern. [Ten months this time around, anyway.]
I'm glad I have him, and I'm glad I'm not letting anyone else tell me how to feel anymore.
I'm glad.
4 comments:
psst
you're so wonderful :]
good moral of a couldbe story lolz!
<3
tomorrow shall be awesomez!
so i def. said the thing about onle you can say how you feel and no one else to my now boyfriend like 5 days ago when he told his parents he liked me and they didn't approve.. i told him that he's the only one who can decide that.. I LOVE YOU!
The secrecy thing is hard hard hard hard hard.
But.
I am so glad you finally decided to stop letting other people decide how you feel and how you felt.
You are a FABULOUS person, don't EVER forget it.
You areh!
Maybe on the days we have class at similar times I can drive you to or from school so you dont have to take the stupid bus.
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